pattern junkie

Up To No Good

I have a lot of pattern pics stored on my computer in files with titles like "Doll Terror," "What's On Her Head?," "International Superspy" and "Dress of Evil" -- but one of the biggest categories by far is "Up To No Good."  What is it about groups of women that suggest that they are, well, up to no good?  Perhaps we all have memories of being the targets of mean girls in elementary school, junior high and high school. (Or was that just me?)

Say hello to just a few of the dastardly women of Patternland -- there are many more to come:

Simplicity 1181, 1951

Don't tell me that the women in Simplicity 3559 aren't plotting!  White Halter is beckoning with one pointed finger, while Stripes is enjoying the show.  Flowers, however, clearly thinks they should have gone with her plan.

Simplicity 3559, 1955

What is it about Pink's expression and body language in Simplicity 1181 that makes it seem like she's about to snatch the viewer's very soul away?  Go ahead, White -- laugh, laugh, laugh!

McCall's 4535, 1959

McCall's 4535 is a tough one to categorize -- clearly Yellow and Print Dress are conspiring about something.  But the sunglasses and big hats give this a dose of International Superspy as well.  My theory is White just handed off that purse to Print Dress.  Expect a high-speed scooter chase to follow.

"But what about the children?!," you cry.  Rest assured, it's not all innocence and light there, either -- check out McCall's 3228:

McCall's 3228, 1987

This one puzzled me for a while, but I think I finally figured it out.  Blue Suit Boy is exhibiting Carrie/Firestarter-like psychic powers and wreaking devastation -- perhaps on us!  Red Skirt is fascinated by him, while all the other kids are laughing at our coming demise.  Quick, look away!

Finally, McCall's 3722 -- or, as I prefer to call it, "Caught In The Act:"

McCall's 3722, 1956

Have you ever seen such a blatant example of "Who, me?  I'm not doing anything!"  It's the equivalent of hitting Microsoft Word to cover up your solitaire game when the boss walks by -- everyone is pretending nothing is going on.  Even the poodle is in on it!

Monday Morning Eye Candy: Commanding Caftans

Those of you in northern climes may be welcoming fall, but it's still sweltering here in Los Angeles.  Dreaming of sipping mai tais and ordering a pool boy around?  Simplicity 5971 is the outfit for you, madame:

Beautiful seaming, a leg slit worthy of Angelina Jolie, form-fitting yet with a sweeping sleeve -- what's not to love?  Someone bring me a margarita!

Unfortunate Fashion Friday: Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!

Not just leg warmers.  Oh, no.

Quilted leg warmers that tie up the front.

Simplicity 8146

 

Monday Morning Eye Candy: 1930s Lounging Pajamas

Perfect with coffee and the Sunday paper in a nice heavy silk.  I'm swooning!

Bar Bets

First of all...hello again!  It's been too long (over a year since posting?!  Bad blogger!  Bad blogger!)  I won't bore you with the story of lack of work, a plethora of work, etc.   For too long patterns have gone unadmired and unmocked. 

But first...a digression.  To me one of the interesting questions artists who work for others face is how to put their own spin on work-for-hire projects.  I grew up in Denver, and in the natural history museum there, you can find about eight elves hidden in the painted dioramas.  According to museum lore, diorama Kent R. Pendleton wasn't allowed to sign his work -- so the hidden elves serve as his "signature."  I love his solution to the work-for-hire dilemma. 

 

What about pattern illustrators?  How did they sneak bits of themselves into their work?  Are the little quirks in illustrations -- like a random chair or a floating mini-helper -- actually an artists' way of saying "hey, this is me!"?

Or were the illustrators just drunk?

Imagine, if you will, the bar across from Simplicity headquarters.  It's 1968 -- but while free love reigns outside, in here it's whiskey and cigars.  Two grizzled pattern illustrators are delaying returning home.

"Joe," says the first.  "I got one you'll never get past management."

The second chuckles.  "You mean like 8806 when I made two of the girls float and lost one of their legs?"

"Child's play," Frank tells him.  "This is even tougher than those girls we made look possessed."

"2971 and 2995, yeah.  They never could figure out why those didn't sell well."

"They didn't sell 'cause those girls looked like they were gonna eat your soul.  A pretty notched collar can't undo that."

"What's your challenge, Frank?"

"8190.  The Jiffy pattern."

"I'm listening."

"Put one of the girls in brown.  With a rope belt."

"Hood up or down?"

"Hood up."

"You want me to make her look like a Benedectine monk?"

"Yup.  And no hiding her in the back.  I want her right in the front."

"Why don't I just put her arms out to the side while I'm at it?  Make her look like she's on a cross?"

"Nah, they'll catch that.  Just tell them the kids these days are into it.  Kids these days are into all kinds of weird shit."

"It'll never work."

"No, it won't.  But it'll be worth it to see the look on their faces when we turn it in, won't it?"

 

 

EEEEEKKK!

Simplicity 6696, 1984

You can have the thread.  All of it!  Even the good Gutermann silk!  And the metallics...here, take the rayon, too, I really don't need it.  You want the plain black cotton?  Sure!  Take it!

Just please, please, PLEASE be gone in the morning.

Monday Morning Eye Candy: Ruffles Galore!

Oh, how I love the exuberant ruffles of McCall 8258:

Four rows of ruffles at the hem!  It looks like it would be so much fun to walk in -- you'd swish and rustle and make a grand entrance.  Let's not even get started on what it would be like to dance in it.

It's from 1935, but I can't be the only one reminded of this dress style that was so popular in the 1970s:

Unfortunate Fashion Friday: When Bad Suspenders Happen to Good People

This week's UFF inspires terror in me for what it might do to my, er, assets...and I'm only a B cup.  Who at Simplicity thought backwards suspenders (with their nice "cross my heart" look) and a tight empire silhouette was a good idea?

Simplicity 8739

Specs Appeal

Normally I'd consider a long formless duster incredibly boring, but check out Simplicity 2495:

 

I adore the blue cat-eye glasses that Blue is wearing -- so much so, in fact, that her whole look strikes me as cool.  Shoes to match your glasses?  A coordinating dress and long vest?  Sign me up!  (I guess this "styling" the Project Runway judges keep yammering on about is important.)

I bet she makes a mean martini and has a wicked sense of humor.  She knows where to find cool beatnik coffee shops, works in the best bookstore in town -- and even though she can't carry a tune to save her life, she's fearless at karaoke bars.  I think I want her as my new best friend.

Do Wonders Never Cease?

Say what you want about the classic designs of the 1940s and 1950s -- 1970s patterns have a special something that just makes my heart go all a-flutter.  This one's so good it demanded a second post for today.  Here you go, the perfect accompaniment for your jeans with giant chains embroidered on them -- Simplicity 8643:

Junk food pillows!  Giant oreos!  Obscenely huge hot dogs!  A SATIN-BUNNED CHEESEBURGER COMPLETE WITH ONIONS AND SESAME SEEDS!

I'm about to pass out imagining the surrealist fun you could have with this and McCall's 3057.  Who's ready for French fries with giant zippers on their sides?  I know I am!