pattern junkie

The Reasons For Your Excitement Elude Me

I've never seen two people as excited about grapes as the women in Butterick 7288.

Unfortunate Fashion Friday: Double Knit Wonders

I don't think I need to explain why I threw McCall's 3442 into the "unfortunate fashion" pile:

McCall's 3442, 1972

To be fair, the actual pattern -- the pants and "shirt-jacket" -- are fine.  But the (entirely fictional) fabric is a terrifying example of 1970s double-knit wonder.

Red Plaid Pants is actually the best-dressed one of the bunch.  I think he and Green Boots -- green boots! -- are congratulating each other on Green Boots' fashion choices.  (Really?  A red lumberjack shirt-jacket with key lime boots?)  Meanwhile poor Navy Plaid looks on...whether in disdain for his compatriots' fashion choices or sadness that they have not noticed his white webbing belt, I cannot say.

Nursery Shenanigans

The bunny was shocked -- simply SHOCKED! -- at what he witnessed in the playroom that day.

DuBarry 2749

Kwik Sew Presents: The Saddest Toddler in the World

Oh, Kwik Sew.  How many times do we have to go through this?  The purpose of a pattern illustration is to make us want to use your pattern.  Not to evoke thoughts of a particularly gruesome CSI episode, Hannibal Lecter or childhood despair:

What woe troubles the little tyke of Kwik Sew 449?  Is Mom getting into the rum again?  Did Dad kick the puppy?  Or are those little footie pajamas just not fitting the way they should?

Disco Inferno

The thumping disco beat reverberated throughout the club, commanding her to move.  And when the music spoke, she had to obey.

She twirled.  Whirled.  Boogied down.  Now believing the music's promise: soon it would be raining men.

All eyes were on her.  She could feel it.  She gloried in it.  Knowing that they marveled at her movement.

Sadly, she was wrong.  They were taking bets as to how soon she would swallow her purse.

Vogue 2313, 1979

Dancing to a Different Drum

 

I hear the mermaids singing -- they sing for ME!

Butterick 4014, 1971

Great Expectations

The lovely Carmencita B sent me this great image -- an Indygo Junction quilt pattern, The London Jacket:

Carmencita pegged it perfectly -- the model in the upper right is thinking, "OMFG being a model is so not what I thought this job was gonna be!"  You know she was hoping for a bikini and a beach, not a shapeless apron and an Ikea kitchen!

I Can't Hear You

We've all been stuck in conversations we can't get out of.  Pity poor Red in McCall's 5864:

 

"And then Linda said she was going to bring a lemon pie and I said no, I wanted to bring my lemon chiffon cake and we can't have too much lemon at the luncheon because when there's too much tartness in a menu it really takes away from the savory quality of the casseroles, which is what anyone who knows anything about cooking knows but would you believe that Sheila Johnson said..."

Sometimes being overly polite, like Red there, just leads to pain.  It doesn't hurt to take a page from the animal kingdom in these situations.  I once had a wonderful dog named Hopkins -- a Corgi/Shepherd mix full of attitude who basically looked like a German Shepherd who'd been hit by a shrinking ray.  Anyway, every morning we'd walk by a house where another dog would throw itself at the fence, barking its fool head off.  Most dogs, given that situation, would bark right back -- but Hopkins would trot on by without a break in his step, without even a glance to that yapping idiot.  And I can't help but be reminded of that every time I look at Advance 9798:

 

There's Purple, yap-yap-yapping...and Black and White just blissfully tunes her out.  Well done!

The Scream

 
Simplicity 7951, 1971

Yeah. The horror of big square patch pockets over the hips is universal.

Wedding Night Jitters

I don't know what Yellow told White, but the poor girl looks absolutely petrified:

The arched eyebrows, the handwringing...in fact, she's been twisting her fingers together so intently that she's LOST HER RIGHT ARM!

Yellow, I don't know if you're White's mother, older sister, aunt or best friend, but this I do know: you have a black and twisted little heart.

Simplicity 1466, 1930s